Watching You Go
by Sansele
Summary: This fic is basically set when Suboshi parts with Amiboshi... angsty... all those people who reviewed my one-shot fics, there's a note for you...


A/n: Own Fushigi Yuugi? I wish…

Watching You Go

  Tears.

  Running down my cheeks. I should be happy; my aniki will finally be free of the struggle. He is a peaceful person, how can he understand the fight, the reason why we must summon Seiryuu before the Suzaku side does… I can only pray that I am doing the right thing for once.

  I'm too hotheaded normally to think properly, I suppose. I really care for my aniki and Yui-sama… how can I allow anyone to hurt them? I've seen Yui-sama's angry tears, her flushed face as she insists that she cannot let anyone come close to her, she does not want to get hurt time and time again. How can I let that happen? I can't see where I'm wrong in trying to avenge her! I won't let her cry: each tear makes me only more determined to destroy the people who do this to her. As for Tamahome's siblings… why should I be merciful where he and his beloved Miaka refused to understand that Yui-sama grieves because of them! It's enough to make anyone angry.

  Ah… Aniki. Gomen, you've told me more than once not to make things worse than they are. You were always the one to soothe me, to calm me when I could have done something rash. Arigato. 

  But what am I supposed to do! Who am I to blame for your death, formerly official, now only supposedly in my mind… who am I to turn to now?! Tell me please, before you go… I know that sometimes I am very impulsive, but now…

  Time seems to pass very slowly, doesn't it? Or is it fast…we've already gone through so much together. We travelled alone, with you always there to protect me, to help me from the start… Then when Nakago found us, and we found that we were Seiryuu seishi, it was a moment of mixed feelings. Sadness that we could not have saved our village, our parents… Happiness, that we belonged somewhere finally. 

  But it was all for nothing. I must not blame my seikun… but could he not have given the seishi position to other people, rather than us? I hate seeing aniki so sad, refusing to participate in the war, but knowing that he must. Maybe that's why when Nakago told him to spy on the Suzaku seishi and wreck their summoning ceremony, he went quietly. But then again, you've never been the sort to question others, ne? You never want to cause trouble. It's not fair.

  I am finally given a choice. To live happily with my aniki, never to remember the war, or to join Yui-sama, and perhaps never see my own twin again. To be given no other option… how I hate that! I looked at Yui-sama, and Nakago, and somehow I know that I will never have a chance with Yui-sama. Nakago wraps himself around her mind, how am I to get in! But someone needs to protect her; someone needs to be there just for her… I have to stay with her. I refuse to abandon her.

  Then I see you. Aniki, I know that you truly enjoy staying in the village, with your foster parents… I don't know them, but they must treat you well, surely. A quiet village, somewhere where you can live happily, away from war, away from those troubles that have plagued you for so long… It's your dream. Remember those times at night, when we would have no money, but had to sleep on the streets? And you would reassure me that one day, we would be as fortunate as those children, living in those warm homes, with their parents, that we would never be cold, never be hungry again.   

  It's within our reach, I know. But I can't leave Yui-sama behind. It just wouldn't be right… I'll leave you be.

  Ah, they are here finally. They have found you, and I can see how happy they are. How I pray that I have done the right thing… Watching you go, with my eyes flowing with tears again… Arigato, aniki, for everything. 

  Sayonara. 

~~~~~~~~

A/n: I must thank all the people who have been reviewing these one-shot fics, namely, SharonToggle, PrincessKitty-Chan, gialian, marzoog, Raye, V-TrAiN & Ayatsuriningyo; I didn't really think they (not the reviews, the fics!) were much good, because they're all so angsty… (Dies of angst-ness) But thank you! If I didn't put you in, gomen… I'll thank you in my next fic…

To Saihitei no Miko & shadow priestess, arigato for reviewing most of my fics. It's very reassuring that people like my stuff… 

To dancing bohemian, if you happen to come here, um… I really have no idea how I got the name 'Sansele'. (Realises how stupid she sounds) To be precise, the name comes from 'Sandra'. Another wonderful name, which I just decided to call myself. (The idea is, I'm very random…) Thanks for saying that it sounds nice… it's weird knowing people also review about your name…

To qkslvr, thank you so much especially for reviewing my Nuriko fic… Because episode-33 angst has already been run to the ground, I thought that no one would review…

I think I'll write a few more fics, and then I can put them in a collection of sorts…


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